fear and reason

My sister -in-law linked me to an article yesterday on why toddlers have temper tantrums. I've lost the link, but the basic idea is that they have so much pent-up anxiety, they're bound to burst.

They said that the parts of the brain responsible for logic and reason don't really start maturing until age four. So no matter how many times you tell them they're not going down the bathtub drain, they will still worry. Wouldn't you balk at going to bed if you were worried your teddy bear might come alive in the night and eat you?

As I read, I couldn't help but notice how much this applied to Josiah as well. So much of the time what he worries over is just ridiculous. And that's where the meltdowns come from. When he's so afraid, that it all bubbles over and he can't control himself at all.

How do you explain to people that your 11-year old- was crying at church because you told him the service was going to be shorter than normal? (I'm proud of the pastor- Josiah said when they talked about it, the pastor didn't laugh.) Thankfully, a few know him well enough to just ask- "Was it the change in schedule?" Yes. Amongst other things. "Does God like it when we have short services? Are we still going to get Daddy afterwards? Are we bringing Gracie with us? She isn't getting adopted, is she?" (Yes, he worries we'll get rid of her. I may have convinced him we'd never let anyone adopt them away.)

By the same token, a friend posted in her blog yesterday that she finds herself reassuring her 3-week-old with, "I always feed you, don't worry." She likened it to how often we cry for what we need- or think we need- and God is there saying, "I'm always here- I will always provide- just like I have before."

I got to thinking about it all together. How many of my fears are completely unfounded? Too often I have my own emotional meltdowns based on things that for the most part, aren't true. I'm held back by these fears.

I know it's not all in my head- I can recognize now when the depression is trying to get the better of me. It preys on these insecurities I've had all my life. An abysmal sense of self- worth, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and an overactive imagination that still wonders if there is a monster under the bed.

Guess I should start singing Veggie songs with Josiah: "God is bigger than the boogie man, He's bigger than godzilla or the monsters on TV. Oh, God is bigger than the boogie man. And He's watchin' out for you and me."

Coming around again...

I got the itch again.

I've been reading several friends' blogs, and started thinking about going back to mine. I'd long since lost the link, and couldn't remember the login info.

So I went to a friend's blog and hit the 'login' button, figuring I could probably guess my password and such. It went straight to my page somehow. I'll take that as a sign...

Then I read back through my old posts. Odd how some things are so much the same. Life changes, but still I go back to the same trouble- the same insecurities- and even the same hope.

I found a daffodil sprout in my flowerbed yesterday. I haven't planted the bulbs for two years. Around here, they're an annual. The fact some came up last year was a miracle. This year... even beyond that.

This year things are very different. Last year at this time... it was not looking good at all. It looked like this season of winter- depressing and hopeless- was going to last forever.

But spring came. And spring is still here. God's grace to us is amazing. I spend time each day trying to watch the world through new eyes. The bright blue eyes of my unexpected Grace.