Waiting.

So now we wait.

Josiah's appointment went great. He loved all the colors and crayons and such around the hospital, and the people were really nice. The doctors there said almost exactly the same thing the ones here had said, so it was good to have the confirmation. And having the entire thing explained to Dad Welch helped alleiviate Mom and Dad's worries too.

We were in and out of there quickly, and made it back home in Austin with no incidents by 7pm. Josiah really didn't want to go to school the next day, but once he saw that his teacher was there after all, (she'd told me she wouldn't be) he felt better.

So now we wait. We know he is having the surgery, just not when yet. The problem with using a huge hospital run by a charity is that you wait for them to schedule you- you don't pick the schedule. I'm pretty sure we'll know soon, and I have a feeling it'll be before summer, but I just don't know.

I should throw myself into the cleaning to keep from worrying. If only I could keep from getting distracted so much.... I've gotten pants to alter so he can get 'em around the casts, but I need room to sew, so I need to clean stuff away. I'm so behind...

Oh- and did I mention Josiah's 4ft 10 now? Less than 4 inches to my height... But only 2 to pass my mom and her mom...

Holding my breath

So today's the day.

I'm taking Josiah to Scottish Rite Children's Hospital in Dallas (http://www.tsrhc.org/) for his evaluation. I know there's not much they can say or do that I haven't heard before, but still I'm nervous.

Matt's dad's going to go with us, so that will really help if they have to do any sort of testing.

And then there's the weather- it's icy almost all the way across the state. Even if we do finish there in time, should I risk the 4-5 hour drive back?

Josiah and I were talking about the plan last night before he went to bed. I told him I wasn't sure what we were going to do. He said, "Okay, I'm counting on you, Mom."

no pressure...

Sock Monkey

So I made the monkey on Saturday, and Josiah named him "Tommy." He was so proud, running around church yesterday showing him to everyone.

Yeah, Mama felt pretty good about that, too.

It's amazing how accomplishing something as small as making a monkey made me feel so much better about myself as a whole. Makes me realise that if I focused more on actually finishing things- getting things accomplished, I can do more.

So bring on that laundry, Tommy- we've got a lot to do.

No panic

Well, still not panicking.
Stuff just falls into place.

The distance on the towing? I overestimated quite a bit. It was just under 4 miles. I only had to pay $7. That's it. $7.

We ended up running really late for therapy, and Josiah was really upset, but he's doing much better today. (found out his favorite teacher was out yesterday- that always upsets him.)

Then I ran to HobbyLobby to pick up stuff to make a sock monkey. I'm going to try and have that done by Tuesday. Why a sock monkey? When my little brother was in Kindergarten, he fell off the playscape and broke his femur. (high on the leg- about mid-thigh) He ended up having to be basically in traction for a couple weeks, then a body cast. (waist down on one side- waist to knee on the other) My mom made him a sock monkey while he was in the hospital, and when they put the cast on Brett, they put a matching one on the monkey, too. (Mom still has it)

So I'm making a sock monkey for Josiah, hoping that when they put him in casts after his surgery, they can do the same for his monkey.

And not just 'cause we call him 'monkey' all the time... >.>

Oh? And my total at Hobby Lobby? I was a bit disappointed that the monkey stuff was going to cost about $15. But I figured if it works well, it's worth it.

It came out under $5. Still not certain how, but a bunch of stuff was on sale.

No panic. It all comes out alright.

*facepalm*

Procrastination is bad, OK?
Someday I'm going to catch up and quit putting things off.

For example- our AAA Membership expired. I was pretty sure it had, but I had to check- and get it re-started.

"Alright, your membership is active again. Do you have a roadside emergency today?"

"Well...not an emergency, but my truck is currently dead in front of my son's school, and I need to get it towed soon."

"With your new membership, as of today you have 3 miles of towing free. Your 100 miles of free towing will go into effect in 7 days."

"Of course."

"How far are you needing it towed?"

"I'm not sure, but it is more than 3 miles."

*sigh* Of course.

And I really need that truck in working order before next Tuesday so Josiah and I can drive to Dallas. He's looking forward to seeing Grandma and Grandpa, but "I don't need any more doctors to look at my legs! They're fine!"

Every thing's fallen into place so far, so I'm not panicking... yet.

Hope

Josiah asked me a couple weeks ago what my favorite word is. I told him 'hope.' Then I tried to explain to him what it means, and fell far short.

Of course, I was having a really hard time believing in hope myself.

But my trust, my hope, is starting to come back to me now.

Last week, I mentioned to Josiah's speech therapist that because of finances, we may have to cut his sessions in half. I told her I didn't want to, because I know how much he needs it, but I just could not see a better alternative. I couldn't say why I hadn't made the decision to do so yet- but something pulled at me to hold out a little longer.

The next day, the therapst came to me and said they'd work something out financially so Josiah could keep his 2 hours/ week. They didn't want him to miss the time- and how much good it does him- due to money issues. The twinge of hope was worthwhile.

And looking at my garden, still mostly brown for the winter, I consider hope again. In October, before life became more complicated, I planted my daffodill bulbs and hoped. While I gave up on hope, they grew. It may not look like much, but this is hope.

Declaration of Independence

I've decided I'm declaring my independence.

Freedom from the people in my life who I will never please.
Freedom from trying to be superwoman.
Freedom from feeling worthless because I'm not the best at things.

I have a husband and son who love me for me.
I have friends who care about me no matter what wierd things I may do.

I don't need to worry about living up to other people's expectations- especially those who don't truly know me.
I don't need to worry about how I look to others.

I am me. I am Brynn. Wife, mother, friend, singer, writer, dreamer.

And there's nothing at all wrong with that.

Hopefully I can keep believing it.